the wheres and why

this is where we fall in love.

where we tell the universe that it only matters
in relation to the stage we have to share such a sensation.
this is the beginning of when we love defiant.
where in the midst of all the cold space,
we thrive at alchemizing gold between us. […]

this is where we fall in love.

where we tell the universe that it only matters
in relation to the stage we have to share such a sensation. 
this is the beginning of when we love defiant.
where in the midst of all the cold space,
we thrive at alchemizing gold between us. 
this is our definition of love’s declaration.
where an abstract idea that grew from a notion,
only bloomed when we sought complimentary suns.
this is our discovery of the greatest drug,
where profound connections create chemical tsunamis,
and all else seems trivial in the wake of such a wave. 

this is why we fall in love.        

7/17/12
M. L. Michael

About…

Don’t You Dare Think Despair

Imagine –
in the midst of the ink of Oblivion,
floats a lone candle – a solitary flame
.
Does it flicker, in despair,
or does it dance, out of defiance?

Don’t You Dare Think Despair 


Imagine –
in the midst of the ink of Oblivion, 
floats a lone candle – a solitary flame.
Does it flicker, in despair,
or does it dance, out of defiance? 

 06/25/12
M. L. Michael

About…

wake up to this

Wake up to the sight of a dozen crows perched on the horizon
and the dream of Dorothy becoming a fickle thing,
and her ruby toed goodbye being a sour sort of thing,
because now a swollen bruise hangs in the sky, and the crows wont stop cawing.


Wake up to find there’s no place like a home that’s haunted.
-there’s no reason to fear the dark- but reason enough to save yourself;
its the do or die test– the water is coming, its a sink or swim race;
now try and run with your dreamers legs and your clown shoes. […]

Wake up to the sight of a dozen crows perched on the horizon
and the dream of Dorothy becoming a fickle thing,
and her ruby toed goodbye being a sour sort of thing,
because now a swollen bruise hangs in the sky, and the crows wont stop cawing.

Wake up to find there’s no place like a home that's haunted.
-there's no reason to fear the dark- but reason enough to save yourself;
its the do or die test– the water is coming, its a sink or swim race;
now try and run with your dreamers legs and your clown shoes.

Wake up to the racket of a dozen crows ready to roost,
(there’s a murder causing hell over your roof, 
ready to rain away any chance of a parade
if you don’t claim your higher ground.)

Wake up to the panic of there’s no time left on the clock.
the storm is here, and the flock has found their cuckoo nest.
ready or not, you better fly and finally soar like the rest,
so take heart, steel your mind, and summon old courage
and forget the crutches – they’re only handicaps on a brick road.

Wake up to the alarm of a dozen years dreaming,
so encumbered by your heavy coat of slumber -
you fight familiar demons masquerading as nightmares,
discouraging you from leaving a house now flooding,
making mute this place you called home
where now only the crows sit and the water waits.

Wake up to find Dorothy had bailed from this merry-go-round
left a note saying you weren’t ready this go around –
that the storm is here and you’re still struggling with the baggage.
still sluggish from a longish slumber,
yet to comprehend the emergency of sobriety.

Wake up to the sound of sirens singing the murder song
and you cursing out your best swan song -
“the ship is sinking – abandon all ye sleeping, make out for land!
No time for weeping, break past the line of constant return.
This time, wake up for real!"

M. L. Michael
04/30/12

About…

By April of 2012 I had enough with the cycle of taking more and more pain medicine until it eventually unraveled into a destructive downwards spiral. As soon as I noticed this happening I told my pain management doctor and we decided I should go to a 30 day rehab clinic right away.

This poem was written in the middle of that night from a dream that woke me up. In a mere six hours or so after this was written I was being driven by my parents to the clinic.

conversations at the bar #1

Surprise, Surprise,
I found Cupid at a Bar…
made all the more absurd and disturbing,
by his public drunkenness and his blatant nudity,
…plus the quiver and bow hung crooked across his wings… […]

Conversations at the Bar #1
(When Cupid Has A Few Too Many)

Surprise, Surprise, 
I found Cupid at a Bar…
made all the more absurd and disturbing,  
by his public drunkenness and his blatant nudity,
…plus the quiver and bow hung crooked across his wings…

Bleary-eyed Cupid, Leery-eyed Cupid,
squinted at me, and at all the nuanced couples moving and mingling,
like little pawns across his chessboard,
with every awkward gesture and each misjudged move,
- a toast in honor of his ego.

And so it was without warning that Cupid fumbled for his bow 
and drunkenly fired into the crowd…
[…certain that there’s always someone lovesick ready to be lovestruck…
 …certain that there’s always a person’s passion ready to be charged on credit… 
 …certain that there’s always a quota of Valentines-Day-Roses to be clipped & shipped…]

But I was shocked… 
because no one seemed to really notice Cupid,
they only seemed to notice each other’s makeup, madeup, plumage,
and no one seemed to hear Cupid’s repetitive sighing,
they only heard the clinking of ice in their half-emptied glasses of courage; 
and they only heard their hot whispers promising hotter nights. 
(that rarely, if ever, had the chance of dawning)

I was confused to find Cupid acting in such a way,
And I was surprised to find that no one ever flinched when Cupid’s arrow hit, 
At most, they only scratched or twitched, at some soothing, biological itch, 
or they smiled and beamed, from some glowing, genetic need…


I took a seat next to Cupid
and ordered a round for the two of us.
Cupid smiled at my star-struck gaze, and gave me an appreciative nod.
“No mortal has bought me a drink in as long as I can remember.
 In fact, it is rare that a mortal has ever given me more than a pause,
 beyond those acclamations they can only offer during their most ecstatic of exclamations.”

He downed his drink, and leaned in close as he gave the bartender a signal for another. 
“You know, normally I don’t do this…but you look to be a good guy…
So, for you, I will do this most special, this most privileged, of favors… 

“Who is it here that your libido swings towards?
Who here could you rapture, like a saint in sinner’s clothing?
Just give me the word, 
and with one, simple, arrow she’s yours for the having.”

He fumbled for his bow and quiver, and I subtly pushed them away.

He ignored my move, or possibly he never noticed, and continued to rant,
“So, who is it you want? How about that leggy, cherry-bomb, sizzling over there,
I bet ten minutes with her and she could blow you straight out the stratosphere!
Or what about that soft and soulful star, with those midnight, velvety lips? 
Oh, on those lips you could dream of every universe and heaven, real and conceived!
…Or maybe, instead, you see that subdued, sublime, siren, by the jukebox?
Sure, I can tell she’s serenading you; the way her lips shape these romantic lyrics. 
She’s hypnotizing you with her hips –subtly swaying them to that beat underneath.
Yes, I can see it in your eyes, you are outlining her curves with your boldest brush!
 
“So, my good friend, which beauty do you want –
…or, perhaps, you want them all?!” 
He boasted with laughter that I found embarrassing, 
and yet, irresistibly intriguing…

I did my best to suppress my disappointment in the Cupid I had discovered… 
and I did my best to redirect all that south-bound-blood back to my north-thinking-head…

I tried to tell him that he had me, and everything entailed, all wrong:
“I don’t think your arrows are meant for all these random flights of fancy.
I’ve come to believe that every arrow must mean something special. 
That if any arrow is to matter anything at all, 
than every arrow must represent 
all that I find to be wholly-life-lovingly-unique.”

Cupid appeared both frustrated and confused,
So I continued, with desperations to elaborate my point.

“What I am hopefully saying, my dear, rosy, Cupid,
Is, if you are to help me, and not to harm me, 
then you must be as disciplined as you are passionate,
you must treat your arrows as if they are of a finite number,
….and most importantly, 
each arrow must represent the values I desire the highest -
and not simply the lusts I hunger for the hardest…

 Cupid remained quiet…and now more withdrawn.

“Am I making sense?
“All I’m doing is mimicking my Heroes: those Romantics, 
whose shoulders I sit upon whenever I pen my tributes…” 



Cupid stared into the distance as I paid for our drinks,
and before I left, I gambled on one last plea:

“You know all these arrows you’ve shot so wildly into every crowd?
Why not take a moment, and watch these couples you’ve managed to hit.
…And tell me, dear, spirited, Cupid,
what are their odds of any kind of lasting, fulfilling, love,
is it just one night… is it just two days…
or are they a rarity, and they last longer than a month?
 
…And then tell me, dear, dispirited, Cupid,
“Of those all the hapless, innumerous, hearts… 
How many were better off, before your arrows intervened?”

Cupid never answered…
he only stared into his empty drink…
and quietly signaled for another round.

M. L. Michael 
02/22/11

About…

Dear friend, do not give up

I went into the darkest forests of my mind
and came out with eyes more sensitive to the light…

I ate from the most bitter of fruits
and developed a taste that sings of the possibilities of sweetness…

I had ears ravaged by the wailing of my woes
and discovered peace in these sublime stretches of silence… […]

Dear Friend, Do Not Give Up


I went into the darkest forests of my mind
and came out with eyes more sensitive to the light…

I ate from the most bitter of fruits
and developed a taste that sings of the possibilities of sweetness…

I had ears ravaged by the wailing of my woes
and discovered peace in these sublime stretches of silence…

I held in my hands my own broken spirit
and felt along the cracks for what needed to be mended…

I became revolted by the stench of my depression
and I fell back in love with the perfume of life, love, and laughter…

11/30/10
M. L. Michael 


About…

graveyard hopping on 6th street

I heard stories of a place
Where one could meet fellow lonely ghosts…
Where spirits drowned in spirits and
Every ghost shared what made them go Boo…

All of these lonely ghosts…
So many sad ghosts…[…]

Graveyard Hopping on 6th Street


I heard stories of a place
Where one could meet fellow lonely ghosts…
Where spirits drowned in spirits and
Every ghost shared what made them go Boo…

All of these lonely ghosts…
So many sad ghosts…
All of them lingering ghosts…

Each one haunting a familiar sight…
Each one moaning a tragic plight…

Ah – this gathering of ghosts,
They’ve delayed the haunting of their gravesite,
To haunt a different kind of graveyard,
           …a different kind of loss…
Instead of lamenting over headstone inscriptions,
They’ll lament over half-empty glasses,
And the finality of the bartender’s last call…
 
Oh – these sad, lonely ghosts, 
All they ever wanted was another ghost to haunt with…
Someone they can share with a séance…
Someone they can share with the scare of Death…

Really, what ghost could say no?


M. L. Michael 
6/16/09


About…

So, I found waldo

One night I was traipsing my way home from the bar
and there, down an alley, crumpled against a wall, was a figure
that wouldn’t normally cause me to pause,
except I noticed this familiar red and white striped sweater.

Carefully I plodded down the alley and roused the bum,
To which he snorted and grunted for me to go away, […]

So, I Found Waldo…

One night I was traipsing my way home from the bar
and there, down an alley, crumpled against a wall, was a figure
that wouldn’t normally cause me to pause,
except I noticed this familiar red and white striped sweater.

Carefully I plodded down the alley and roused the bum,
To which he snorted and grunted for me to go away,
But when I caught a glimpse of his thick black glasses,
I knew I had found the man I spent a childhood searching for.

‘Oh wow, you’re Waldo! Oh-my-god, I’ve found Waldo!’
Then hard as a hammer he struck at me and hissed:
“You fool! Leave me be. I am no one special, oh, 
  I have nothing no one could ever have missed!”

‘But…you’re Waldo…and I found you,
 all my life everyone’s been looking for you,
 and I’m the one that finally found you!’

“Yes… I am Waldo, and, yes, you found me,
  but whoever said I wanted to be found is a fraud.
  You see, I became lost for a reason.
  Now leave me be before I make people
  start wondering where you’ve gone.”

‘But…you’re Waldo…and I found you,’ I repeated, 
 and left feeling defeated, feeling thoroughly rejected…

/01/23/09
M. L. Michael 









About…

my heart said…my gut said…

My heart said ‘what glorious luck! she doth love me again!’
My gut said ‘oh, no, I am so sorry to hear that.’
My heart said ‘you don’t get it, this time will be different!’
My gut said ‘no, no it won’t. it will end soon with you broken.’
My heart said ‘blasphemer! she told me she had changed!’
My gut said ‘your memory is worse than your sense.’ […]

My heart said…My gut said…

My heart said ‘what glorious luck! she doth love me again!’
My gut said ‘oh, no, I am so sorry to hear that.’
My heart said ‘you don’t get it, this time will be different!’
My gut said ‘no, no it won’t. it will end soon with you broken.’
My heart said ‘blasphemer! she told me she had changed!’
My gut said ‘your memory is worse than your sense.’
My heart said ‘but I don’t care! for her I’d steal the heavens!’
My gut said ‘but she don’t care, and you’ll still do the time.’
My heart said ‘damn you! I’m not listening!’
My gut said ‘I know, and I’m sorry…’

12/19/08
M. L. Michael 

About…

Pfenix – noun, [fee-niks]

What’s in the mind of a pfenix
that allows it to writhe perfectly well
within the fiery limitations of a daily hell?

What’s in the heart of a pfenix
that beats defiant against an unseen tyrant,
and just drums along to an unheard song?[…]

Pfenix - noun, [fee-niks]
1. a mythological bird/ 2. a survivor, and a strong willed person/ 3. capable of taking tragedy and being reborn by it

What’s in the mind of a pfenix 
that allows it to writhe perfectly well
within the fiery limitations of a daily hell?



What’s in the heart of a pfenix
that beats defiant against an unseen tyrant,
and just drums along to an unheard song?


What is in the body of a pfenix
that can weather the punishment of a hellstorm,
and somehow emerge scarred into a beautiful form?


What is it in a pfenix,
that defies any standard explanation
by becoming victorious after the moment of combustion?  

 
-7-25-08
M. L. Michael 



About…

Safe sex

I made love to her when she wasn’t looking,
when her back was turned I fell pen to paper
and composed this poem like an act of passion-playing.
…I took my time to drink her up;
and like a bourbon shiver down the spine
,
her ravenette beauty inebriated the best of me
into a fervor of jesus! shouting! jubilee! […]

Safe Sex

I made love to her when she wasn’t looking,
when her back was turned I fell pen to paper
and composed this poem like an act of passion-playing.
…I took my time to drink her up;
and like a bourbon shiver down the spine,
her ravenette beauty inebriated the best of me
into a fervor of jesus! shouting! jubilee!

Peering from this journal,
I studied hard her shape
& fantasized l_o_n_g her form,
I searched for metaphors in the shadows of the norm.
And with these eyes closed,
I imagined these words are these fingers,
surfing all her skin,
and with these eyes closed,
I dreamt these rhymes are these lips,
savoring all the sin.

So, I made love to her when she wasn’t looking…
I did it all with this pen and paper.

06/28/08
M. L. Michael 


About…