Tag: gutcheck

Giving Up The Ghost

There was this one night I fell in love with a ghost for the first time.
All because I could not let go.

I was still just a kid, and this was the first ghost
that ever haunted me in such a way
that I felt frozen to the spot where we began,
Beholden to something I would not release.
[…]

Giving Up The Ghost

There was this one night I fell in love with a ghost for the first time. 
All because I could not let go.

I was still just a kid, and this was the first ghost 
that ever haunted me in such a way 
that I felt frozen to the spot where we began, 
Beholden to something I would not release. 

I don’t remember my first words… 
Only that they were surely awkward, 
(but awkward in a charming way, 
like a trip over a rock that turns into a brisk jog.) 

We met like this, night after night, 
One physical being, holding, hugging a memory, 
One spectral being, staying, delaying a departure. 
Night after night, holding, hugging, staying, delaying…

Until there was this one night. 
When the act of giving up and moving on meant more than hugging tight and holding on. 


M. L. Michael 
07/20/2021

About…

There’s this phrase that I’ve been obsessed with since I heard it for the first time.
“Giving up the ghost” most often means some kind of mechanical or electronic device breaking down/”dying”.
However, in Britain (and sometimes the U.S.), it can also mean giving up on something that you know is futile.
Both definitions spoke to me…and it wasn’t long before I had the idea of giving up the ghost being the memory of a person…rather someone that has passed or someone that has moved on.
I hope you enjoy.
Take Care Out There.

Hearth Necromancy

The fire went out sometime during the night.
With your back turned and your mind lost in the weeds of slumber,
the fire in your hearth went out,
and its only hours later, when the warmth has slipped out of the room,
that you shiver awake and instinctively reach out for something not there.[…]

Hearth Necromancy 

The fire went out sometime during the night. 
With your back turned and your mind lost in the weeds of slumber, 
the fire in your hearth went out, 
and its only hours later, when the warmth has slipped out of the room,
that you shiver awake and instinctively reach out for something not there.

The darkness feels heavier when you wake,
so heavy you cannot shrug it off like the comforter that now falls to the floor, 
and the floor is not lava when your toes touch down, 
if anything it is now ice, and you feel another shiver consume you,
so you shrug off everything but the darkness, and shuffle your way to the hearth. 

When you kneel, everything hurts; the cold penetrates and aches in your bones.
You sift through the ashes and coals, searching for anything still holding some warmth, 
and eventually you see it, nestled in the center, like a pfenix egg – it is still smoldering. 
There it is, you know what must be done, no matter the hour, no matter the energy, 
You will do your best to revive the fire that went out sometime during the night. 

04/30/2021
M. L. Michael

About…

Conversations In An Elevator (or: that time cupid pitched a new chain of bars called ‘swipe right’)

Surprise, surprise,
I was taking the elevator to the 9th floor
when I saw a familiar face running for the door.

It was Cupid,
and they were dressed to the nines.

I held the door, and they made it just in time.

“Thanks for holding the – oh shit,
it’s you, buddy! What the fuck is up?
I’ve been killing it lately! Spreading that love like crazy!” […]

Conversations In An Elevator 
(Or: That Time Cupid Pitched A New Chain of Bars Called “Swipe Right”) 


Surprise, surprise, 
I was taking the elevator to the 9th floor 
when I saw a familiar face running for the door. 

It was Cupid , 
and they were dressed to the nines.  
I held the door, and they made it just in time.  

“Thanks for holding the – oh shit, 
it’s you, buddy! What the fuck is up? 
I’ve been killing it lately! Spreading that love like crazy!” 
 
I laugh, ‘Oh, hey Cupid, it’s always great to see you! 
I haven’t seen you since the world turned over, 
…You look amazing! …And I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with pants!   

“Ha-ha, you know it, bro!  
Fly threads for fly lives! 
I’ve really blown up this time. Found the right gig! 
 
Before I could respond, they continued: 
“I’ve got this new chain of bars. It’s called Swipe Right. 
“…Because everyone wins when you Swipe Right, right?!” 

I laugh. 
“Yeah, I get that. A chain of bars makes sense. 
A bar is where I found love.’  
 
Cupid grins and slaps me on the back, 
“Exactly what I am talking about! 
…Except …this club is a bit different… 

“For one, when you come in the entrance 
you are divided into two separate categories, 
…which an advanced A.I. algorithm will decide..” 
 
“The algorithm is designed by top experts in top fields, 
and it will determine which part of the club they have access to,  
platinum or premium.” 
And I’m sure you’re asking yourself, what’s the difference? 
Well, Platinum members get access to our Platinum rooms,  
Where they can observe everyone, and enjoy our complimentary juice bar.” 
And then Premium is a bit different, 
In Premium you get to see everyone like you do in Platinum, 
but you can also talk to whoever you want as well.”  
 
Our complex algorithm also assigns everyone a value, 
which then tries to arrange people in agreeable ways, 
It is absolutely optimizing the way connections happen!  
 
I raise an eyebrow and Cupid erupts with laughter,  
They puts their arm around me and hug me close, 
“Yeah, yeah, believe me, I know how it sounds… 
 
But get this, we are already soft launched in eight major cities,  
and the response has been overwhelming! 
People seem to be responding to this really well.   
 
For real. The clubs are packed, people connect and come back,  
And they just keep coming back, …even if they don’t connect! 
Because everyone wins when you Swipe Right, right?!” 

I feel my stomach lurch and the elevator comes to a halt, 
‘I’m sorry, Cupid, but this is where I have to get off, 
“I wish you the best, but I have to be honest,’ 
 
‘This feels like a distillation of your worst inclinations , 
you’ve reduced the joy of uncovering a new relationship 
to superficial snap judgements and AI influences. 
 
“I hate to say it, because I know this is working out great for you, 
but I don’t feel like this is the right play, 
I think you can manage something better.” 
 
I try to shake Cupid’s hand and they brush It away., 
“‘Manage something better’.  
“Do you even have any idea how much ‘fuck you’ money I have? 

“The amount of revenue I’ve generated off the soft launch *alone*,  
Not to mention all the seed money and sponsorships, 
‘Manage something better’ … fuck you.” 
 
I go to say something and I stop,  
What could I possibly say to Cupid to change their mind?  
It’s clear where they are headed.  
 
I shake my head, “My bad, Cupid, I’m sorry it shook out this way, 
I hope to see you again someday” I say as the elevator doors close, 
And the space between us grows further and further.  

M. L. Michael 

04/20/2021

About…

Some Moments

Some moments deserve to be frozen in time,
and instead are lost to time, sunken far beneath the waves.

Some moments I want to hold on to forever,
and instead slip away forever, further, and further away.

Some moments I’ll still cherish anyways,
and in their stead, anyways, I’ll honor their ways. […]

Some moments deserve to be frozen in time,
and instead are lost to time, sunken far beneath the waves.

Some moments I want to hold on to forever,
and instead slip away forever, further, and further away.

Some moments I’ll still cherish anyways,
and in their stead, anyways, I’ll honor their ways.

M. L. Michael
04/05/21

About…

2020 (an exercise in acceptance)

So you didn’t have forever,
at least it wasn’t never,
at least there was something instead of nothing,
at least there was music instead of silence.

Remember the beginning,
how it began like a bang, […]

2020
(an exercise in acceptance)


So you didn't have forever,
at least it wasn't never,
at least there was something instead of nothing,
at least there was music instead of silence.

Remember the beginning,
how it began like a bang,
suddenly there was something
bursting forth with such ferocity
that you'll forever feel it
aching. 

Remember what was next was music,
filled with breaks
and rests,
peaks and valleys,
all adding all up to a stirring song,
that will forever refill your heart to remember.

So you didn't have your forever,
at least it wasn't never,
at least there was something instead of nothing,
at least there was music instead of silence.


02-18-21
M. L. Michael

About…

(all thunderstorm and little rain)

doll – It pains me to say-
you’re all thunderstorm,
and very little rain…
you can’t arrive in subtly,
no, you must be perceived…
you must gather upon the horizon…[…]

(all thunderstorm and little rain)

doll – It pains me to say-
 you’re all thunderstorm,
 and very little rain…
 you can’t arrive in subtly,
 no, you must be perceived…
 you must gather upon the horizon…
 
To make your arrival all-known,
 your show is equal parts flash and impression;
 with all the bling of your lightning,
 and all the bravado of your thunder.

Despite my better(/bitter) feelings,
 I struggle against the electricity of your arrival,
 the electricity you always generate in the air, 
 for all parts of me to stand at attention,
 (in a form of heightened anticipation)
 of what cooling, soothing, wonder
 you will welcome upon me..

Much to my chagrin – most of this is charade,
because at the Peak of your Performance
 (this impressive 4th of July impression) 
 I’m practically begging to experience your shower,
 which you take as a cue to slowly dissipate away,
 you float away and leave me the thirsting flower…

Well, no more, because now I see past your style,
 and straight through to a lack of substance..
 which is why I say with a bit of regret and a bit of pain,
 you’re all thunderstorm,
 and very little rain…

M. L. Michael
07/22/09/

About…

since when…

since when did i begin to dream of you as poison,
since when did our lust rust into a kind of toxin,
was it when you sang to me like a siren,
with your hot whispers oiling my inhibitions,
or
was it when you and i shared a bed,[…]

Since When…

since when did i begin to dream of you as poison,
since when did our lust rust into a kind of toxin,
was it when you sang to me like a siren,
with your hot whispers oiling my inhibitions,
or
was it when you and i shared a bed,
and i couldn’t control that little child in my head,
who dreamed whenever you said whatever you said,
that our love was the kind that lasted long after we’re dead,
---
you sang your songs, you sang your songs,
to right my wrongs, to right my wrongs,
when all along you knew, all along you knew,
empty promises tear thru, empty promises tear thru,
---
since when did ‘love’ become a subjective term,
since when did your silence become a cold burn,
was it after you saw how much i could yearn,
how much your love is what i forever sought to confirm,
or
was it always all about some kind of esteem,
and, as an after thought, there was our dream,
our love for another that fit perfect into the grand scheme,
with you and i: the pseudo-wonderful-team,
---
i sang my songs, i sang my songs,
to right your wrongs, to right your wrongs,
when all along i knew, all along i knew,
such pleasure aint true, such pleasure aint true…

=

+
/1/19/09/
M. L. Michael
+

About…

brutal honesty is not for the weak hearted (NSFW)

I only think of you,
when my dick is hard &
aching for some-kind-of
hungrin’-human-touch-and-touch
like some-kind-of
inticin’-invitin’-such-and-such.[…]

Brutal Honesty Is Not For The Weak Hearted.
(A ‘Single’ Explanation)

I only think of you,
when my dick is hard &
aching for some-kind-of
hungrin’-human-touch-and-touch
like some-kind-of
inticin’-invitin’-such-and-such.

I can barely hide it-
I can’t keep dry in my dreams
I certainly can’t wake up in the morning
without that solid rock-of-gibralter
pumping these thoughts of pumping
through my body like rigor mortis,
with the thought of you;
and your promise of la petite mort.

…

When all I have to do is ignore it away,
or secretly erase it through-
and once my desire is shed away
I’m no longer thinking of you…
(and I find I no longer give a fuck
 rather you would ever give one to me)

/01/10/09/
M. L. Michael

About…